Come and Die

"There is this thing inside of me—something that is cynical and always expecting despair and disappointment. I trust in You, Father. It’s not lack of faith in your sovereign hand, it’s just my own self coming to terms with my life being full of hurt and suffering. I live a life consistently striving after things I realize I will never fully be able to grasp. Am I wrong? It says in scripture that You love those who love you and long to give Your children the desires of their heart. But where are they? What am I doing wrong? Where are the product of the desire within me?"

This is a prosperity gospel. This is loving the Lord so that you may receive what you want—not what the Lord has willed, because HE CAN. Because HE IS GOD. He has made all things, He spoke them into existence. Who am I to contradict His ways? Yes, He loves His children. Yes, He longs to give you the desires of your heart. But what if the desires of Your heart are wicked? I no longer need to look at the Creator of the world as the cause of my weariness but at myself. My fallen self. I am the sinful one. I am where sin and wickedness brew. And only God alone, has willed what is to be and knows what is best for the glorification of His name and for the better good of those He calls His. 

You are holy. You are righteous. You are the Word of life. You are my love. You are my hope. You are my joy. You are my Lord. You are Lord. You are sovereign. You are in control. You have willed what is to be and You have ordered all of it by Your holy, incomprehensible knowledge. 

A friend once told me, “I am realizing that following the Lord is not always getting what I want, but instead trusting and following Him regardless of what that looks like. It’s trusting in His sovereign power above my earthly, sinful will.” How beautiful a thing to grasp. Following the Lord means death to myself, my desires, my wants—in replace for a life that is spent in the presence of the Lord, a life that will be damn hard. Full of strife. Constant death and stripping. Tears. Fits of anger. Weariness. But a life that is not left without hope.

Jesus. He came and lived this life, a life of suffering. He was victorious. Over sin, over death. He died so that I may live. Oh what hope! This is the hope I stand on—the finished work of Christ on the cross. And just as He now sits at the right hand of the Father, glorified—so will he glorify His children in His name, those He came to die for. Oh death where is thy sting? 

So press on. Press into the Lord. Store His life, sustaining words upon your heart. As we eagerly await His coming live a life that is submitted to His will, no matter the cost. For, “when Christ calls a man he bids him come and die” (Bonhoeffer). Come and die. Come and die, so that you may live. 

“so Christ, having been offered once to bear sins of many, will appear a second time, not to deal with sin but to save those who are eagerly waiting for him.” Hebrews 9:28